The day I was born, She was 4 months shy of 50...
He had just turned 53...
Her hair was dark, Her hands not yet crippled with arthritis...
His hair was thick and His hands were always stained the color of a hard working welder...
They attended every softball game, clarinet recital, party and graduation...
She shared her books (introduced me to Jodi Picoult but wouldn't touch James Patterson) and signed my birthday cards...
She wore jewelry, but not earrings since her ears were never pierced...
And on summer afternoons she sat patiently in her comfy chair as I perched on its arm trying on every bangle bracelet and ring...
Asking again and again the story behind each piece...
He fixed things I broke (my oil pan)...
Brought my lunch when I forgot...
Was my taxi when I missed the bus...
And gave solicited and unsolitcited advice on cars, jobs, houses, my attitude and more...
When I graduated from my Masters program with honors he carried the program showing his friends...
I stopped by a couple times a week and we watched Wheel of Fortune...
Played Scrabble, Boggle, Dominoes, Skip-Bo and Horseshoes...
They both cheated terribly at Guesstures every Christmas Eve (She used sign language; He resorted to sounds)...
I ate lunch with them at the Senior Center...
Took them to Shoney's buffet for Grandparents day...
Cracker Barrel for birthdays...
When we left each other I kissed her forehead and his cheek...
And he kissed my cheek right back...
It was a running joke from the time I was small that I wasn't afraid to tell him when he needed to shave...
I watched as they celebrated 40, 50 and 59 years of marriage...
He always sent her roses...
On November 23rd, 2005 at the age of 82, he lost his heroic battle with cancer...
We cried over the loss of a father, grandfather, friend...
She slept with his t-shirt...
And grieved the man she'd loved for almost 6 decades...
The handsome young man she stood up on their first date...
Yet eloped with at the age of 19 late one night in May 1946...
The man whose 6 children she bore...
The man she stood beside as they said good-bye to their baby girl, their parents, their grandson...
For better or worse...
To sleep with, fight with, make-up with and laugh with...
'Til death do they part...
Not a day goes by that I don't wish he could have met my boys...
Saw me as the Mommy I never knew I could be...
But she was there to hold them on their first day of life...
To tell me how impressed she was that I had my babies so quickly...
Often praising my skills as a Momma...
I don't recall when she started needing oxygen 24 hours a day...
When macular degeneration stole her sight and she stopped wearing glasses...
Caught up in dirty diapers, midnight feedings, Hirschsprung's Disease, work, school and more...
We stopped playing games and she stopped reading...
I no longer stopped by after work...
Nor did I call as often...
I saw her during birthday parties and Holidays but could hardly ever just sit and visit...
My mom would let me know each time she went to the hospital or wasn't feeling well and I would silently promise to spend more time with her...
But long gone where the days where time was my own...
Yet she never complained...
About a month ago she started having even more difficulty breathing coupled with chest pains...
Doctors drained her lungs and the area around her heart of excess fluid...
Diagnosed her with Lupus and discharged her to an intermediate facility for rehab...
In a shared room not much bigger than my cubicle she gave up...
And for the last two evenings I have sat by her hospital bed crying and praying because I know I am losing her...
She has aspiration pnemonia that has turned septic... She has asked to be taken off the trach tube...
And they have stopped clearing her lungs of fluid...
She is sedated most of the time...
But will occasionally nod or shake her head when asked questions...
She knows I am there...
I tell her I love her...
It is just a matter of time...
Minutes, hours, days...
She is 85 years old and ready to join him in heaven...
My heart is heavy and aches as I unsuccessfully come to terms with the inevitable...
But I remind myself the risk of love is loss and the price of loss is grief...
And without their love...
The unconditional love of my Grandma and a Grandpa...
I would not be who I am today...
And if given the choice...
I would unregrettably choose grief...
Loving and being loved by them for however short a time...
I had 29 years with Grandpa...
I've had 35 with Grandma...
More time than most...
Though selfishly it will never be enough...
The rational part of me is incredibly grateful...
And when the time comes...
It brings such comfort and joy to know he waits for her...
That he will take her hand and say "come on Mom" just like no time has passed at all...
Her hair will be dark and his will be thick...
Their hands free of arthritis and age spots...
Neither will be in pain...
They will reunite with family and friends they lost along the way...
And two halves will once again be made whole...
For all of eternity...
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